Payson Pony

So, I've kinda forgotten about this blog a little bit. It started out as a little dry spot in the dating area. Then it turned into gross negligence. And, now here we are...I almost had to have them resend me my password.Well after we had our little reunion and moment of bliss I've decided that I'm ready to update a date.

His name is Payson Pony. His name is Payson Pony. His name is Payson Pony. (A little bit of Fight Club reference here. He met his demise in my world, Project Wife? Project Win Her Over? Project You Insert something here.) I am Jack's Hardened Heart. I am Jack's Wasted time and efforts. Well, I am Payson Pony's utter waste of emotion and attempt. (I think I'm so clever. And really, I am.)

Well, I knew I had Payson Pony from the beginning. For our first date he asked what I wanted to do (faux pas numero one...If you ask me out don't make me plan anything. If I wanted to plan a date I would have asked you), well I decided I felt like sushi. I mentioned that and he said he had wouldn't eat sushi. I told him there was no point in us even going out then because I already knew it wouldn't work out. Not only is sushi eating a must have, if he's not willing to go out and try new things, especially foods (I'm a foodie), then I don't even want to start the game. So he immediately rescinded his stance and we decided sushi it was. He fell in love over sushi, how great is that? Pretty great. If only it wasn't one sided it would have been so romantic. We could have made love on a bed of tobiko.

After sushi we decided to redbox a flick and watched 'Bridesmaids'. Now, I love that movie, but to avoid having any obligatory cuddle or arm scratching I "fell asleep." It's my signature move. Too many times...It's my own special brew of "I have a headache." Except, I'll never have a headache. I just don't know how to portray disinterest. We ended the night with me driving home with texts from him saying If I wanted to I could come back and we could spend the night cuddling with some obligatory arm and back scratching. Yeah, cause I wanted that the first go round?

So, here we come to the improvements and advice portion of tonight's episode. Now, I try to keep a somewhat nice approach to this section. However, sometimes you just have to mention things. Number one...If your date catches you scratching at your groin game over. The thoughts running through my head are...std? weird rash? playing with it? loss of feeling? All of which are things that I don't want if I have an option. Number two, when your date tells you that she doesn't dig sappy, overly affectionate first dates asking her if she would like to go on a trip to Hawaii with you probably isn't going to produce the desired effects. Thirdly, when you ask when you can see your date again and she responds with , "Uh, next Thursday?" Let me translate that for you, "I don't want to see you till Thursday. Please don't ask me to hang out every day until Thursday." That's really what I meant. Now, with all this I'll cut to the point. Payson Pony, face the facts and Pony up to what your date is saying. Not. That. Interested. Now, I'd say take a hint, but several times I flat out stated exactly what I meant. Payson Pony, good luck finding a girl that will be as head over heels for your as you are for her. Keep up your sap, some other girl will appreciate that, just not this girl.